I Know You Miss Me

Okay, first of all, allow me to apologize for being so slack with the postings. I've been in somewhat of a transition from full time employee to self employed. I've been in meetings, building a website, designing business cards, etc. and the reality is starting to settle in that I don't have to go into the office everyday. I just realized that I can post all day from home if I want to, so I'll be back on the blog in a day or so. I'm still trying to establish some sort of a regular routine. Staying up until 4am and sleeping until noon is not a good look.

Anyway, while I get my schedule ironed out, feel free to check out my website. You may be surprised to find out that I'm not a complete lunatic...I just play one on TV.

BUSTED! Police Walk in on a Baton Rouge Man Trying to Have Sex with a Dog

If my nieces are reading this, turn off the computer and go play xbox or something for a few minutes.

For everyone else, (hang on, I'm putting on Atomic Dog as the background soundtrack to this story) here's what happened (I'll try to give the less graphic version. If you want all the details, click here):

While attempting to serve a warrant Wednesday, U.S. marshals stumbled upon a man having sex with one of his dogs in his backyard. Alex Chaney, a 46-year old sex offender, clad in only a white T-shirt and black slippers, was standing in front of a chair where a brown and white dog was standing, the affidavit says. Marshals observed Chaney try to [teach Fifi the Kama Sutra].

In his statement to deputies, Chaney said that he woke up that morning with the urge to have sex. He then made himself a cup of coffee before going into the backyard, where he began to think about having sex with animals.

Chaney was arrested and booked on a count of crimes against nature, booking documents show. Bond was set at $80,000.

The moral of the story: The urge to have sex combined with fresh brewed coffee could cost you $80,000.

There were so many jokes that I wanted to throw in, but in the interest of good taste I'll allow you to use your imagination. Watch the news VIDEO.

(Thx 4 the email LW)

Once You Go Barack...

This afternoon on the radio, I heard some rumblings about an offensive Barack Obama Assassination exhibit that was in New York across the street from the New York Times entrance. I did a little investigating and if you haven't heard or seen it here's what it's all about:

[On June 4th] A Boston-born performance artist, Yazmany Arboleda, tried to set up a provocative art exhibition in a vacant storefront on West 40th St. in Midtown Manhattan with the title, “The Assassination of Hillary Clinton/The Assassination of Barack Obama,” in neatly stenciled letters on the plate glass windows at street level. By 9:30 a.m., New York City police detectives and Secret Service agents had shut down the exhibition, and building workers had quickly covered over the inflammatory title with large sheets of brown paper and blue masking tape. The gallery is across the street from the southern entrance to The New York Times building.

Arboleda, who is 27, said in an interview: “It’s art. It’s not supposed to be harmful. It’s about character assassination — about how Obama and Hillary have been portrayed by the media.” He added, “It’s about the media.” “The exhibition is supposed to be about character assassination. It’s philosophical and metaphorical.” (source)

Check it out. What do you think about "art" imitating life?

The Assassination of Barack Obama

The Assassination of Hillary Clinton

New Orleans Man Arrested with Diaper Full of Heroin

Officers said they patted down Frank Keys Jr. and found he was wearing a diaper. When asked if there was anything in the diaper, officers said Keys nodded his head.

Okay, stop right there. The visual of this whole ordeal is cracking me up. So, if you were the officer, what would be your next course of action to investigate the dirty diaper?

a) sniff test b) touch test c) strip search

According to court documents, St. John Parish deputies near Laplace, La. stopped a white Hyundai Sonata for a moving violation and searched it with a K9 that gave a positive alert on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Police said they discovered 257 grams of heroin in Keys’ diaper. (source)

So the next time you overhear your cousins Terrell and Dayshawn volunteering to go to Wal-Mart to buy Granny some Depends, you'll know to go ahead and place a courtesy call to CrimeStoppers and collect your reward money.

Obama's Father's Day Sermon

If you haven't watched the Father's Day speech, here's the video in it's entirety. It's about 23 minutes long. Good message.



According to CNN.com:

The issue adds to his family values credentials and lets voters see him delivering a stern message to black voters.

"We can't simply write these problems off to past injustices," Obama said Sunday. "Those injustices are real. There's a reason our families are in disrepair ... but we can't keep using that as an excuse."

Obama urged black parents to demand the best from themselves and their children.

He compared it to his own presidential campaign and early comments from black voters who said they liked him but didn't think a black man could ever be elected president. He said they were admitting defeat before the competition had even begun.

"That was when I wasn't black enough. Now I'm too black," he said in a joking aside.

The next holiday on my calendar is Independence Day. John McCain's camp has got to be all over that one. I can't wait to see him under a tent somewhere with fireworks poppin' in the background, weighed down by flag pins, with a really confused look trying to figure out who mistaked his request for a little boost (of Geritol) for Lil' Boosie (...I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that means?...).

Obama's Kenyan Family Celebrates His Nomination

This is a pretty cool news clip on the reaction to Obama's candidacy by his grandmother's [Sarah Obama] village in Kenya. The village has very high expectations of it's offspring when he becomes the US President. No doubt the Republican machine will try to use this against him in some form. Just watch.

Anyway, the clip is about 4 minutes long. I would love to sit and talk to his grandmother. I bet she has some stories to tell. She has been keeping a close eye on this campaign and I am sure that she has shared wisdom with him that would fill up a book. Click here to read a blog post I did a few months ago about her.

A Terrorist Fist Jab?

Fox News needs to be held accountable for the reckless, inflammatory nature of their reporting under the guise of "fair & balanced." On Friday, an anchor at Fox News teased an upcoming segment on:

"the gesture everyone seems to interpret differently," Fox News' E.D. Hill said: "A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? ... We'll show you some interesting body communication and find out what it really says."

In the ensuing discussion with a "body language expert," Hill referred to the "Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound," but at no point did she explain her earlier reference to "a terrorist fist jab." (source)

During the segment, Hill hosted Janine Driver to facilitate a discussion on the meaning or the message behind the pound. All this as if to suggest that the Obamas are communicating in some underground, sinister language that only they can decipher and if elected, the United States will be held captive by the terrorist fist jabbers led by Barack and Michelle Obama.

Why would a network waste time and money hiring a "body language expert" to come on the air and analyze a commonly practiced gesture? Because they are continually trying to plant fear into the minds of people and I believe that the network and the anchor should be held accountable for continual blatant abuse of first amendment privileges. Insinuating that a presidential candidate and his wife are terrorists is not an off-the-cuff remark nor is it a teleprompter typo. It was well thought out and purposely used to reel people's attention into the frivolous and baseless segment. This was a despicable display of the lowest form of journalism. I hope that people can finally see what Fox News is all about.

Fox News and E.D. Hill need to be charged with terrorism (the systematic use of fear especially as a means of coercion). This is completely unacceptable.

Click here to sign a petition to demand an apology. You can also send emails and call them here:

Roger Ailes Chairman and Chief Executive Officer,FOX News Channel
1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036
Tel: (212) 301-3000Fax: (212) 301-4229 (Newsroom)
E-mail: roger.ailes@foxnews.com

E.D. Hill Anchor, FOX News Live
Tel: (212) 301-3000Fax: (212) 301-8274
Email: e.d.hill@foxnews.com

Deion & Pilar: Prime Time Love

This show is so much fun to watch. Deion & Pilar are such a HOT couple. Lots of people are hatin on the 33-ish biracial smokin' hot beauty with the ridiculous body after 3 kids, money to the ceiling, and a sexy husband who is one of the greatest athletes in history. (She just made me remember why I don't want to cut my hair yet. Whew...that was close!)

I ain't hatin on P. As long as Deion's happy...it's all good with me.

Click here to watch a hilarious clip of Pilar trying to drive cattle and them trying to "get it on."

Happy Friday!

He Has Risen...He is Not Dead!

Jesus' body has been found. After the Lord went missing from the side of a Detroit church on Monday, he was spotted on Wednesday, in the bushes in an alley a couple of blocks away from the church.

Funny parallel. According to the Easter teachings, Jesus was buried on Friday and resurrected a couple of days later. Mary Magdalene "discovered" him in the garden (at first she thought he was the gardener). In Detroit, a church member noticed the 'body' [statue] of Jesus was missing on Monday and a couple of days later it was found in the bushes [or a 'garden' in the alley]. Hmmm...I guess these are the last days.

Still no word on the thieves. It's okay. Jesus will drop a dime on 'em sooner or later...He's already on the mainline. (CNN.com story)

Chivalry is Dead

Raw video footage:


This is really a messed up story. A 78-year old man got hit by a car in broad daylight. The driver never stopped, nor did anyone else. Reportedly four people called 911, but the police cruiser that showed up on the scene just happened to be driving down the street. When he saw the man lying in the street he stopped and called for an emergency dispatch.

My first thought after watching the clip was of the biblical account of the good Samaritan. Jesus told the story of a man had been robbed and beat up and left on the side of the road for dead. Several people passed by him, including a priest, but none stopped to help until the good Samaritan came along. Why do I mention that? Well, because Jesus told this story over 2000 years ago. This lets me know that insensitivity to humanity is not new. It's just that now we have sophisticated technology that displays it to the world in the blink of an eye. It's hard to see the true nature of some people.

The man is now in the hospital in critical condition, paralyzed from the waist down.

Let me say this again...Nobody helped. Read the full story here.

God is love.

Jesus Needs to Start Packing Pepper Spray

In the words of Mary Magdeline as she discovered Jesus' body missing from the tomb, "Sir, where have you taken him?! Where have you taken my lord?!"

You know times are really hard when people steal from the church, right? Well Jesus must be coming back tomorrow cause somebody decided that they needed to steal his body right off the cross on the side of a church. Yep, an 8 foot version of Jesus was stolen and there are no witnesses. (read story on CNN.com)

Allow me to ponder for a moment. Imagine that you are sitting around with a few friends. Maybe drinking a little. Maybe indulging in an herbal remedy. And let's say you or one of your friends has a bright idea. "Hey, let's go down to the Church of the Messiah and snatch Jesus' body and hold it for ransom." Everyone makes eye contact, then silently nods "yes" in unison.

Are you still with me? Okay, so now you've found a ladder and a pickup truck. You proceed over to the church and begin to snatch the Lord's image off the side of the building and load it into the back of the truck. Now what do you do with this 8 foot tall faux-copper statue of Jesus? You hang out with him like those kids do on the Quaker Oats commercials! Play tug of war, and go fishing and stuff. You're bound to win if he's on your team, right?

People have too much time on their hands.

Hors d'oeuvres

Okay, I feel really guilty for not having posted anything for almost a week. I've been BUSY okayyy???!!!

Anyway, I wanted to give you a few things to snack on while I get myself together. Here's what's happening in the news:

Politics:

Barack's gonna paint the White House black.
Somebody needs to tell Hillary that the fat lady has sung.
John McCain was in Baton Rouge today (who knew?) and apparently Santa Clause was too.


Entertainment:

R.Kelly is probably going to jail.
Ed McMahon's house is in foreclosure.

That ought to hold you for a little bit. Holla atcha later!